Showing posts with label job hunting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job hunting. Show all posts

Saturday, August 15, 2015

The wanting, the waiting

A photo posted by Nazila (@nazilam) on
Waiting room - Terminal 2F, Aeroport Charles de Gaulle, November 11, 2014.

I'm in love with these chairs and want them.

 I also realize that although I want them, I don't really need them.

They are the same ones that one sees in Parisian parks, so they are even more lust-provoking in my heart and mind. They are also on sale - but not the exact style I want. So I'll wait, somewhat patiently until the right style comes along.

Waiting is hard. Waiting is something I'm terrible at and waiting is something I need to learn to be better at. I'm not of the mind that all good things come to those who wait, because that is not the way the world seems to work now.  It is more like the "early bird acquires the worm and fires all the worm's besties and shelves the worm's technology".  Its a worm eat worm world out there.

I'm glad this week is coming to an end.  I'm looking forward to the following week and hoping that it brings less waiting and more action.

Tuesday, August 04, 2015

The hard thing about hard things

A photo posted by Nazila (@nazilam) on

Hardships come in many forms, this is definitely not one of them. 

This may seem like a ridiculous post, but I've been thinking a lot about what makes something "hard".

Is it a relative thing? Is one person's hard different from another person? I think yes.

Is hard something that might solve itself? If you are lucky.

Is hard something that might get resolved or made easier if you ask for help and admit that you are struggling?  Yes, but it is difficult.

 Is it worth enduring something hard or instead decide that it is easier to take the easier way out?  Maybe.

What compels someone to take on someone else's hardship? Don't let me take you there.

What does it mean to be hard on yourself?

For the last few months, I've been asking myself all of these questions and more.  I wish like heck I could find the answers.

Monday, August 03, 2015


A photo posted by Nazila (@nazilam) on

I 'm beginning to dread Monday and for the opposite reason that most people dread them.  I expect to be getting up and going to work and instead I spend my Mondays job hunting, networking and hoping that this is the last Monday that I have to job hunt.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Routines help - gym, dog walking, endless watering, writing lists, acting on the actions on the list, trying to stay upbeat and not let the negativity crawl into my head.  I'm not a Pollyanna, but I do believe that what you set out to do at the beginning of the week impacts how the rest of week goes.

This Monday started out well and went downhill fast, most of it self-inflicted and through all the outside feedback I received and a little self-reflection I did while WATERING, I've decided to ask for a do-over for this Monday.

Tuesday has got to be better.

On a happier note, my winter coat arrived and it was only 83F outside and 76F inside when I tried it on. I love it and it matches my new blue Vans.

Over and out.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

How to not be a wall flower

To be blogged

I listen to the radio in the car when running errands, this is not helping me to get through my goal of listening to my whole iTunes collection sometime this year.  I think I have something like 35 days of music.

I typically listen to the local NPR station and was fortunate enough to get to  listen in on the Gardening Panel a few years ago.  The subject of hellebores came up and how to grow them. I have to admit, I listened closely.  At one time in my life, the hellebore was my holy grail plant. I thought only expert gardeners could grow them, they were mysterious and so gorgeous.  They are one of the first things to bloom in the early winter garden and if you are lucky, their gorgeous seed pods will see you through until June.  They are both delicate and hard as nails depending on the kind you have growing in your garden.  Some of the more fleshy varieties, such as the Corsican hellebore  (Helleborus argutifolius) look down right alien depending on the size and placement in the garden.  I suppose it is partially due to the climate in Corsica and CAM metabolism, but let's not go down the plant photorespiration cycles of my misspent youth.  

The more delicate forms (Hellebore niger) Christmas Rose and these are the kind I and many other gardeners cherish.  They flower stalks pop up in early January (or earlier) and wow you with amazing displays of flowers ranging from clear whites to dark purples with all sorts of strange crossings that occur. They emerge right when we are starting to lose hope that anything will emerge from our damp soil.  These hellebores are not difficult to grow, just find a few smallish plants you like at your local plant sale, put them in the ground in a location with partial shade and remember to water while they get established. 

Here's the thing about hellebores - they older varieties of Hellebore niger are really really shy plants -with flower stalks full of gorgeous flowers that spend most of their lives looking down at their feet.  In order to take in their beauty, you have to lift up their chins and give them a good look.   They remind me of someone who just can't seem to get it together and summon the courage to say "HELLLLLOOOO WORLD" look at/to me."

It takes an persistent person to keep lifting up these flowers to see their beauty and qualities.  The other option is to cut the flowers off and float them in a dish of water to get a good look.  In both cases, you see all the beauty, variation and details of the hellebore.

The newer hybrids that are being bred for their lovely flowers that tilt upwards to reach the sky or look you right in the eye. Pow. There is nothing shy about these beauties.  While the ones I have seen seem to lack some of the delicate grace of the Hellebore Niger, they still are lookers that last for months. 

I realize that there is something  aloof about not showing off your colors, spots or petal count.  I wonder if this is such a good way to go on the world - remaining quiet and retiring and letting others capture the glory, the spotlight, the credit, when you may have spots, color or some other feature that deserves attention

It might not be such a bad idea to start breeding in new habits into your life.